your voice just rings in my head like the soundtrack of my summer

tests period, sucks

theres nothing I wanna blog about also

--

I really don't know

anything

anything

some things, I don't know whatta say really

yet I also don't know whats best to be done for anyone by anyone

only know it hurts inside

---

I'd like to believe in people once in a while, I really do.

but slowly, nothings escaping the same end from the cogs of life.

slowly people disappearing

bullshit promises between family

who you calling bro really

---

I don't wanna, I really don't.

but I fear this christmas and new year will tear me up time and over

and a cycle of walking alone repeats

I miss you

they say theres no such thing as destiny

the only thing thats playing in life is coincidences

and whether you reach out to coincidental chances

but

coincidence isn't playing very well in my life

maybe I'll forever be on my own

--

I'm at a complete loss of whatta do really

I miss you, more than you even know, more than I can say...more than you probably care

been a while since I posted anything

quick stuffs

-afa was, kinda boring, though being me, I managed to break my way in for free rather than pay 25

-haven't caught alotta movies sadly, circumstances and timing man

-cause jiewei was dead drunk and had a hungover, only gonna get big night out tix later (sat)

-adam lambert's new album ain't half bad, of course theres always hedley and one republic's as well

-since aung asked earlier, about amanda? uh I give up la hahah, just thought could be interesting but, hassle much

-after seeing yuting's class gathering, saw how they were and how the dudes there are, man do I feel old

-suddenly thinking of how many dejavu's I see...yet as always, I never feel one with you in it.

-trying to find people without connections and not knowing of what time has done is not easy

-mid sem test coming up real fast

-big night out is in the middle of my exams most prob, but, what the heck man seriously

- ..

------------------


I've never passed one day without missing you

not one day

yet you

I don't know

not been updating for a while

well, not much I'd wanna say

maybe next time

--

I'm losing my mind

ok its been a while, posting on a sat morn, prob not much of readers here but, well, its kind of fun and releasing in its own way, to be imagining posts as something like a radio broadcast kind of thing to some people tuning in hahah

start with new songs to listen to, all the pretty girls by fun. is real good , not sure about keane's perfect symmetry album cause not fully my thing and I didn't go into it, theres fall out boy's from now on we are enemies, been listening to a few michael jackson songs recently also. and now waiting for adam lambert's new album too. well thats a few stuffs that I remember offhand.

new thing I'm trying to do but failed at first attempt:: burn coffee creamer powder

anime: darker than black: gemini of the meteor

new manga reading:: gamaran (a olden japan fighting kinda thing), veritas (korean martial arts fantasy modern setting), the crusher (another korean manga thats slightly similar to veritas in genre). pretty much action fighting manga's lol

event updates, anime festival asia coming up soon, then danny's b day celeb at our condo, can't remember what else, just wish I don't have to dread this christmas, and I just remember of movies.

caught 2012 already and it was real good, zombieland also, not too bad.

movies soon: a christmas carol, paranormal activity, fantastic mr fox, gokusen the movie, ninja assassin, sherlock holmes, shutter island, the storm warriors, maybe new moon HAHA, this is it so far I guess.

well those are random updates, about me? not much going on

meeting random dudes, school stress etc

--

what do I gotta do for another go, another chance to just be there for you

been pretty much posting shit people don't have to read haha

pretty much the stuffs that go on in my head

which is why I think I'm practically going insane, cause I think of nothing else

in person I'd talk about all sorts of shit, anything from lame jokes to life and family and school, work, etc. those are mainly offhand thoughts to comply to conversations, for my head's just cracking wide open already to think of other things

would you lower your guard for me again

 cause I'm fucking insane and I think I am

why am I always thinking of nothing else

or am I wrong to love

I have never felt more alive and dead at the same time

wounds are not healed and pieces not put back together

 sometimes I wished I could be as lazy and laid back as marcius, don't care about no shit besides doing what oneself needs for himself, don't need no girl unless she comes to him herself. sometimes I actually wish I could be like that, maybe at least I wouldn't be solemn all the time the way I am.

cause my mind wanders ever so often. then I'd think of her and know how impossible it is to even ask of her. then everything just mellows to dark. and at most I'd be in my own world with my ipod always plugged into my ears, but even that doesn't really help.

and yes, my health's detereorating as time goes by, I know.

 
random pic taken today lol burning heart of matches.

went to pasir ris again earlier, rocketed 1.5l bottles of carbonated drinks over distances, and well, burned matches on the beach.

nth much I wanna say here again

sigh

I guess its obvious how I still feel for you

though you don't have to keep doing this to me

 dreaming alot

thinking about stuffs, taking time to attempt carving other routes, though pretty much going nowhere

nobody likes emo peeps, though, what can I say, I'm pretty much normal and laughing outside if you can draw the laugh outta me

feel my body breaking down from the lack of rest, just, unable, not physically unable, mentally unable

is it that hard to give in

to someone who means nothing but the opposite of harm

I don't see a path ahead

its always best to keep walking on till you see a light

but I don't even see a path to go along

 sometimes I know its quite insane I'm still like this now

been oh so long

yet

I just am

love

what is

 honestly I'm at a loss inside again

nat..

 started with people, then on to school, now family.

problems are appearing everywhere around me.

bugging and bugging me.

its insane.

what do you all want from me man.

zzzz

updates on me? got 4 dvd's from century square when they were going at 6.90 or smth each, what happens in vegas, the number 23, the bucket list, and the prestige. left with the prestige haven't watch. best one so far's the bucket list, really good film. almost beautiful. stars jack nicholson and morgan freeman, catch it if you yet haven't.

haven't got to cutting my hair yet, though really need to. haven't figured out where to also. hair's getting kinda unruly and irritating.

and yes jupiter rising's songs rock, and getting abit more into every avenue's latest album or something as well.

don't really wanna post nything else so, end here.

-----------------------------------------

what do I have to do to really really talk to you again

at moments I just lose my mind at a loss of what to do at all

I miss you

single friends I talk to, mentioned to be about feeling shitty when they see couples outside everywhere "also",

hell even attached friends whose girl/guy is away say that,

saying they're sick of seeing all the "happiness" going around, jealousy in the air alot.

say to of all people, me.

do you think I'm actually feeling the same as you are.

well no.

I do feel horrible sometimes, but not quite the same.

all I think about is her, its just her

went to a cosplay event at iluma to meet old acquaintances. was supposed to be some halloween event also, though obviously mostly anime cosplaying were seen.

good to see sonny kei, toky, sochii, lawliet etc, though not much a big thing inside, cause it's really been kinda long, acquaintances only met at each event are really just, acquaintances.

well at early evening went back to bugis arcade for abit of mario kart before heading back east to meet with aung, dinner than hung out. he came up to my place and watched vids here an there also.

pretty much my sat, not much of one but well, actually yeah, its not much of a sat, a chilled one I'd say.

--

half a blank hope that you're doing well, good with your work and stuff

another half of me really missing you

 ahhhh..............I really don't know

whats on anytime

I've got nothing to look forward to each day lol

hm, I've stopped bothering with people's words thats trying to make me feel better, cause good things always end up in nought or false for me. nothing good comes from every good deed or good thought. till I've pretty much don't believe in karma or ever getting anything good for any good done. I'm just so numb and jaded to life from the downs.

I miss you nat..

ah.....nothing much I'd want to blog about really, just going about my daily life, doing my thing.

drive to do alotta things not quite there though

thoughts, what am I gonna be doing after ns? I don't know. work? wanna study again but something completely different, but then don't know what exactly, though would be wasting my 3 years of poly either way, but still.

--

sometimes you don't realize how important things are to you until you've lost them, and you may have thought you did enough but you didn't. 

and I don't know if theres a too late to things.

but I'd do anything for another chance really